Were You Parentified as a Child? How It Still Affects You and What to Do About It Now
If you grew up being your parent’s “best friend” or even just their “friend,” you were likely parentified without realizing it. As a reparenting expert, I see this all the time. It’s when a child takes on adult roles—providing emotional support, being the peacekeeper, or even just listening to adult problems that they weren’t meant to handle. It seems harmless, right? You were just being “mature for your age” or “so good at understanding grown-up things.” But here’s the kicker: those roles can stick with you into adulthood, and they come with consequences.
How It Plays Out Now
Fast forward to today, and you might find yourself feeling a bit...shallow. Not in a vain way, but in a way where you struggle to know who you are deep down. It makes sense when you think about it—your identity was shaped around someone else’s needs. You became who you needed to be to support them. Now, as an adult, you might:
Struggle with a sense of self: You’ve been so used to reflecting back what others need that you’ve never fully explored who you are.
Continue the dynamic: Maybe you still feel responsible for your parent’s emotions, or you play the role of the “fixer” in your friendships and relationships.
Feel emotionally shallow: Not because you don’t have depth, but because you’ve never felt safe enough to explore it. Your emotions were likely put on the back burner growing up.
Why This Matters
If you don’t heal this, the cycle continues. Without realizing it, you could end up putting similar pressures on your own children, expecting them to understand adult problems or even just to “be there” in ways they’re not meant to be. And trust me, this is not about blame—it’s about awareness and breaking the cycle.
Reparenting Yourself: What You Can Do Now
Here’s the good news: you can heal this. You can break free from these patterns and prevent them from impacting the next generation. Here’s how:
Acknowledge What Happened: Name it. Recognize that you were parentified, and it wasn’t fair to you as a child. This isn’t about blaming your parents; it’s about understanding your story.
Explore Who You Are: Start small. Journal about what you like, what you want, and what you feel. You’re allowed to have needs and preferences.
Practice Setting Boundaries: You don’t have to be everyone’s fixer or emotional support. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to not pick up the phone every time your parent calls.
Seek Deeper Connections: It’s time to go beyond the surface. Look for friendships or communities where you can be vulnerable and authentic. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s worth it.
Consider Reparenting Work: This is where the magic happens. Reparenting yourself means giving yourself the love, support, and validation you needed as a child. It’s about nurturing the parts of you that were left behind.
You’re Not Alone
I see this so often with parents who come to me because they want better for their children—they want to break free from emotional echoes of the past. They want to be the end of the cycle. And the truth is, you can be. It starts with healing yourself.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I help parents (and anyone wanting a better life) reparent themselves on a budget. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to dive deeper, reach out. You deserve to discover who you are beyond the roles you were given as a child.
Ready to take the next step? Let’s chat. You’ve got this.
Crystal x
